3 Men 10 Years

3 Men 10 Years

January 2023 marks the ten year anniversary for our triad. When we got together, most said it would not last. To be honest, we weren't sure either.

The past ten years have been a journey. When our journey started, we all had the best of intentions but little practical experience with long term polyamorous relationships. There was a short lived triad with another fellow prior to this one, but like so many other polyamorous relationships, there just wasn't a meeting of the minds on how things would go.

The key to our longevity resides in our ability to grow together. None of us have all the answers, and in ten years we have shaped each other. Like all relationships, that was not without struggle. It seems like polyamorous relationships in the media are characterized - almost exclusively - for the sexual dynamics; however, sexuality is only one of many dimensions of a relationship. With no real mentors to look to, it fell on us to try and sort out a meaningful situation.

We found that we needed to create a situation that was specific for us, and that protected all involved. Government policies currently only recognize one partner for such things as end of life decisions, survivor benefits, relationship break ups, etc. We created our own agreements that covered these issues so that we would have an existing guideline if these issues arose. We also had to create agreements around mundane matters such as house cleaning, shopping, etc. These parts of our relationship may not be sexy, but were fundamental to our success.

In 2022 we even had a brief period of being four men - which lasted for a few months. Polyamory is hard for some people, and they are not sure how to cope. The duality principle of relationships in our culture creates many expectations that are just not possible to have fulfilled by polyamory. In polyamory there is no "one person" that completes you. There are no defined parameters on how a new person fits in. Uncertainty and growing pains come with polyamory, particularly when a new person is trying to find their place in the relationship. A fourth will come when the right person presents themselves - and if that doesn't happen, we will be fine. 

Our biggest struggle has been connecting with other polyamorous people. We have some delightful poly friends in Nova Scotia; however, finding polyamorous queer people that are either just looking to be friends has been difficult. The subculture in the media is replete with heterosexual couples that are looking for their "unicorn" female. So as a queer triad, it can feel awkward sometimes - particularly as a closed unit. So if you're polyamorous and queer say hi!

As we look toward the next ten years, we are heading toward a whole new host of challenges. Our experience over the past decade has brought us closer and honed our ability to adapt to situations. From here the sky is the limit!

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